News / Blog

May 27, 2010

The traditional Memorial Day mailing

My dearest friend:

The important stuff I have to tell you (unimportant stuff toward the bottom):

Many, many, many of you (thank you!) have already pre-ordered the new CD, coming out June 10-15, depending where in this God-forsaken world you live. You may know it comes with a free autographed copy of Joe’s and my book, “Pernice To Me.” It’s a love story all about loathing, a how-not-to book about running an indie label, and an in-depth examination of the social interactions of second- and third- generation western European immigrants via mediated representations. 80-something pages worth. (We’re waiting to hear if Oprah will pick it for her book club.)

Anyway, thanks to those who have ordered, and the rest of you have until June 1 to pre-order the CD that comes with the free book. Follow this link:

Your order will be shipped in time to arrive by release date. I hope. (I don’t yet run the post office, sadly.)

You may also listen to three more songs here:

If you’ve been paying attention these past few weeks, once you listen to these three tracks, you will have heard the whole album. We hope you’ve enjoyed it. We also hope you’ll tell all your friends, and maybe even some strangers, but not in a weird way, unless that really works for you (like it works for Menck), that they can download, for free, “Jacqueline Susann” here:

You may also know that we’re wicked (that’s Bostonian for “very”) excited to release two of John Cunningham’s records on one CD. Joe and I love his music. This comes out the same day as the Pernice, and can be pre-ordered here:

If you pre-order this, I will send you a free MP3 of Joe and John performing John’s song “Imitation Time” on Oregon Public Radio a few months back. It’s nice.

You save on postage by ordering multiple things.

Because Joe and I are totally opposed to cancer (one of the few things we agree on), we donated another track from the Oregon Public Radio session mentioned above to Right Track Tunes. The organization was started by a huge music fan, to raise money for research into rare cancers. When he died of cancer, his family and friends continued in his memory. The track we donated is Joe Pernice and John Cunningham performing James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain.” You can make a donation and download it from the link below.

No plans, and no plans. I’ll let you know if anything changes. In the meantime, I’ll be here preparing my day-long lectures: “The Math of Vinyl,” and “Why Touring Looks a Lot Easier Than It Is.” I hope to tour these lectures, and also release them on vinyl and several other formats.


This weekend is Memorial Day, which is of course the unofficial start of summer in the United States (and also the holiday we remember our war dead). Joe, who of course lives in Toronto now, was here last weekend because it was a long weekend in Canada, known as May Two-Four. Apparently, everyone in the country buys and drinks 24 bottles of beer on that day. I’m not sure what happens next, but I hope it doesn’t involve driving, boating or trying to talk to me. You would think I would know this, being of Canadian lineage, but I’m Acadian, which of course explains my persecution complex as well as my aversion to Labatt’s. Oddly, my Irish half also explains said persecution complex, while at the same time, finds this Two-Four thing appealing.

So, what are you guys (Americans) doing for Memorial Day? Me? Oh, I’ll be doing the usual traditional giant Memorial Day mailing. Oh, no, it’s not that bad. You know those pictures you’ve seen of those big fulfillment centers at places like Netflix and Amazon? The ones with all the shiny machines and conveyer belts and teams of people in hairnets and creepily friendly foremen that you just KNOW have a seedy past? With the post office truck pulling up to the door and hauling everything away? OK, well, picture that, except take out the shiny stuff and the conveyer belts. Then picture boxes of merchandise in what was apparently once a modest dining room, in which a home-cooked gourmet dinner would TOTALLY have been served over Memorial Day weekend if there was any room amidst the chaos. Then remove the hairnetted teams. Got it? OK, then picture me, a middle-aged lady in a housecoat and slippers, failing miserably in keeping up with her roots, with nicotine-stained hands and hair in rollers. Then add a 70 pound dog (he’s been on a diet) sitting on my feet if I sit or stand in the same place for a few minutes. There MIGHT also be a seedy foreman-type, if one of my exes stops by to borrow some money. Then, instead of the post office truck pulling up to the loading dock, picture me schlepping tubs of packages down a flight of stairs, with the dog trying to trip me as I go, and loading them into a 10-year old Subaru (or lez-mobile, as Pernice calls it) and driving them to the General Mail Facility in South Boston. Repeat 8-10 times. That’s what I call a good, old-fashioned traditional Memorial Day celebration. And I do it with a lot of love. And I will try not to bleed on any packages.

Seriously. Thanks for your support. We appreciate it, more than I can express. And certainly more than Joe can express, as he’s barely human.

Yours truly,

Dorchester, Mass.

The “Personal to” section

I appreciate those of you who write messages in the “comments” section of your orders. I don’t have time to write back to you individually, what with Friday Night Lights being back on the TV, but I don’t want you think I don’t read them. Therefore, I answer individual message below.

Alan in Georgia: First “Doo-stah” does not rhyme with “rooster,” except in Boston. If you inquire because you’re visiting soon and plan to ask directions to the neighborhood, I usually tell tourists it’s pronounced “Beacon Hill.” Otherwise, it’s DOR-chest-er in normal, DAW-ches-ta in Boston and, I would imagine, DOE-ah-chist-ah in Georgia.

Kevin in Jersey City: Hugs and kisses to who? You didn’t specify. I’m a bitch, not a mind reader.

Ryan in St. Paul: Seriously, you’re shut off. Your requests over the last ten years have gotten weirder and weirder, and I have alerted the authorities in your area. But before they cart you off in a custom-fitted straitjacket, I will see what I can do about getting you a lock of Pernice’s beard hair.

Erik in Westfield: I can’t imagine what nefarious thing you could do with $17 – maybe things are a LOT less expensive outside of Boston, but I will take your money. Thank you.

Michael in Richmond: Thanks for confirming my opinion that Thomas Jefferson was a dick. I am, in fact, compiling a list of dicks, and it gets longer by the minute.

Barbara in Seattle: Perhaps I haven’t been clear. Charlie is a dog, and thus, incapable of signing autographs. He would like to give you a fish-breath kiss though.

Greg in Kentucky: You win the smartass award in this round of pre-orders. Thank you for the step-by-step mailing instructions. I will follow to the letter, except for the last one, where you ask me to charge your credit card for the order. If I were you, I would keep an eye on my credit card statement for charges for lady stuff.

Frank in Denton: I’ll have you know that my first Pernice To Me tweet predates Shit My Dad Says by about a year. I do not care if you’re a bad-ass ex-military pilot. You need to show me some respect. Even if no one else does.

Eddie in East Bumfuckshire: It’s not your address that looks weird and incomplete.

Craig in Portland: Don’t stop the twitter feed, baby? Don’t you think that’s a little familiar?

Chris in Connecticut- First, I can’t wait until you hear the first line of “Newport News” on the new record. I do appreciate the fact that you think Ashmont is the best label ever, but honestly, we’re not even the best label on the MBTA red line.

Eric in Racine: Thanks, but by both Canadian and U.S. law, only Wayne Gretzky and Jackie Gleason can be called “Great One.” Also, I haven’t been edgy since 1979, when I went to school at Notre Dame Academy with a safety pin in my ear, and talked back to a nun when told to remove it. But thanks.

Neal in Vancouver: I appreciate the fact that you’re actually paying for this music on a near-completely-obsolete compact disc though you’re not even drunk yet. However, I wish you’d come back when you are drunk and spend a little more money. That Canadian money is valuable to me these days.

Timothy in Milwaukee: Regarding your claim that it’s a scientific fact that for an enhanced listening experience, the tracks from “World Won’t End” should be played in reverse order (starting with Cronulla Breakdown and ending with Working Girls) – stop trying to sully the music with your science. It’s not about science. It’s about magic.

Christopher in Petaluma: Several days, not years from now none of us will be able to remember this transaction. I don’t even remember it now. Nothing personal.

Jay in Cambridge: Hook me up with that shit? Really? Is that your Cambridge self trying to be “street?” Because it’s a lot more Brattle Street than Washington Street.

Tom in Minneapolis: I’d say thank you for your thank you for my prompt and courteous service, but I’m pretty sure you’re being a sarcastic fuck.

Mike in Little Rock: You’re happy there is a new Pernice Brothers record because now you receive three emails a week from me? Are you single? How old are you? 17? Too bad. I know that’s legal where you are, but it’s not where I am.

Joyce @ 4:02 pm