News / Blog

July 6, 2009

Pre-order the new CD, get a special gift


So, if you’ve been here a while, you know that we like to pad our bank account come up with special offers designed just for you, our “special” friends, every time there is a new record release (every 8-10 years).

This time, it’s a special limited –edition (run of 2000), numbered, small (4.5” x 7”) full color screen-printed poster of the CD cover (which is also the book cover), autographed by the artist/author (that’s Joe). The cover was designed by Gray 318 (, and the poster is being screened by Lucky Bunny in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, home of the Pawtucket Red Sox.  It is designed to be tucked in nicely to your copy of the book (book sold separately). The CD and autographed poster will cost you $12 plus postage, plus the 20 minutes it’s going to take you to read all of my nonsense. A bargain! The pre-order link is below, after the fine print section.


This is the fine print (the disclaimer in legal parlance, says the Ashmont Ass-covering Department). In the United States, packages will be mailed in time for you to receive them on the date the CD is released, August 4, 2009, provided the post office holds up their end of the bargain. (This is where I’d tell you that I’m afraid of them, if I was dumb enough to invite irate emails from the 2 or 3 USPS employees on this list. Knowing that they can make my life miserable, I’m always nice to them, never talking on my cell phone at the counter, and always making smart, sparkling chit-chat through the bullet-proof glass. But then I leave my packages, never to be seen again, unless of course you guys are just TELLING me the packages don’t arrive so you can get multiple copies of everything, in which case I think you owe an apology to me AND the United States Post Office. Just saying.)

Packages mailed outside of the United States will go out at the same time, but I’m not even going to GUESS when they’ll arrive.  If you’re in the United States, you have many payment options, including arranging to meet me on a dark street corner to give me cash, if we can find a mutually agreeable time and place, and you agree to come alone.  If you live outside of the United States, your only option is paypal.  Look, we do love you, as much as we love jam bands, wind chimes and baseball caps worn backwards, but it’s bad enough that we’re going to have to fill out hundreds of those little green customs forms. Are those even filed at the post office? Or is the post office just laughing at me?  The book is sold separately, and can be pre-ordered here ( or purchased from your favorite bookseller. This offer will expire on July 27, 2009, or when the posters are all spoken for, whichever comes first.  Limit of 3 CD/poster pre-orders per person. This offer is only available via mail order from Ashmont Records, Inc., member Dorchester Board of Trade. 

This time, I believe we’ve hit upon a win-win. I do love you all very much (especially those of you I haven’t met yet), and I’d do anything for you (except what you ask), but I was NOT looking forward to being asked to mail books around the country in order to get autographed copies for you. In my experience being asked to do it with CD’s, it doesn’t work. You mail something here.  It sits in a bin for a while, until Joe decides to visit his parents. Then I have to get him to come over here, which creates its own set of problems. Then I have to get his attention away from rifling through the house to see what of mine he can “borrow,” so that I can get him to sign the item.  Then, I have to package it up and get it to the post office, only to return home to discover that Joe used the last of the half and half when he made himself some coffee. You understand. Plus, books weigh more. You don’t want me to hurt my back, do you? I’m an old lady. Or worse, I could fall and break a hip.  That would be the beginning of the end. You don’t want that on your conscience. And let’s face it, in the end, to save some trouble. I’d probably just sign his autograph myself. (Note to those of you who have done this with me before: your autograph is real. I would NEVER do that to YOU.) I do hope that you all think of me when you receive your package, which will undoubtedly have my blood on it, since the assembly line conditions here at Ashmont HQ aren’t EXACTLY up to code, and all packaging will be done by me and an unsuspecting friend or two (Want to come over? I just installed a Quadraphonic sound system and have “Dark Side of the Moon” and a case of wine coolers), under the watchful eye of a fat, sleeping dog.

While you’re shopping, feel free to look around at our other offerings. Prices on back catalogue and smart apparel have been lowered considerably, and I’m too lazy to change them back. Disregard what I said earlier about taking things to the post office. If you’re sending us money for the items I’m shipping, I’ll package and ship with alarming alacrity, and be careful not to hurt myself.

These posters will NOT be sold separately via mail order or at shows, so please don’t ask and embarrass both of us. Also, the autographs can’t be personalized, because Joe needs to play guitar on this upcoming tour. Plus there’s no WAY that mailing wouldn’t get screwed up. Just giving you the inside baseball scoop. Don’t hate me because I’m candid. Hate me because I’m a jerk.



If you’re following our exploits on facebook (I think this social networking thing might just catch on, so I set up a Joe Pernice page) you know that Joe and I are fighting over what to call this tour.  I want to call it “It Feels So Good When You Tour,” but that obstinate Italian is insisting on “It Feels So Good When I Stop Touring.” Since I’m the one that sends information to the clubs and writes the day sheets, I’m guessing I’m going to win this one.  Anyway, Joe and Jose are going to pack up the rented Chevy Impala and hit the road soon. Joe is playing solo. Jose is working the merch table solo, except in places where nice bookstore people have agreed to come and sell books.

Tickets are on sale now for most of the following shows. Tom in Minneapolis tells me that 400 Bar has not gone on sale yet, even though it should have, and the Iota in Arlington, VA doesn’t do advance tickets, which, I’m told by several people, is a pain in the neck. I apologize for the shortcomings of others, and wish there was something I could do to lessen the cross you have to bear.  (#irish #catholic)

Wednesday, August 5, 7 and 9:30 p.m. (two shows)
Brattle Theatre, Cambridge, MA
Tickets:, (617) 876-4275

Friday, August 7, 9 p.m.
Bowery Ballroom, New York, NY

Saturday August 8, 7:30 p.m.
Tin Angel, Philadelphia, PA
Tickets:, (215) 928-0978

Sunday, August 9, time TBA
Iota Club, Arlington, VA
Info: (703) 522-8340 (they don’t do advance tickets)

Tuesday, August 25, 9 p.m.
Tractor Tavern, Seattle, WA
Tickets:, (206) 789-3599

Wednesday, August 26, 9 p.m.
Doug Fir Lounge, Portland, OR

Friday, August 28, 7:30 p.m.
Café du Nord, San Francisco, CA

Saturday, August 29, 8 p.m.
McCabe’s, Los Angeles, CA

Friday, September 11, 7 p.m.
Schuba’s, Chicago, IL

Saturday, September 12, 9 p.m.
400 Bar, Minneapolis, MN

Tuesday, September 15, time TBA
The Dakota, Toronto, ON

The Walsh Brothers, a very coarse but adorable comedy duo from Charlestown, home to the Bunker Hill Monument, Boston’s largest phallic symbol, will open the East Coast shows.  On the West Coast, the opener will be John Cunningham, a brilliant singer-songwriter (the good kind, lacking contrived earnestness) from England. Midwest opener still TBA.

We were going to add some UK shows, because list member Niall offered his “small cellar (Austrian style)” for all of us to sleep, but then he rescinded the offer, so we canceled.  Take it up with him. Also, I’d like to point out that John from Hawaii NEVER complains that Joe has not played there, and Lydia from Arizona bought a plane ticket to see the Los Angeles show.  They make our utter lack of willingness to work very hard to move units work for them.

If you’ve been paying attention, you know all about the book and the new record. You might even know more than you care to know.  But if you don’t know, and want to know more than you care to know, you can find previously released info about this here:

Your faithful servant,

Dorchester, Mass.

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Joyce @ 12:29 pm