News / Blog

May 10, 2008

one doggie bag at a time

Just a warning, right from the get-go. There is nothing really substantive in this message, and the information contained herein may or may not be true, fair and/or balanced. In fact, every time we write to you, ostensibly to update you about the artistic renderings of Joe Pernice, we’re really just trying to drive traffic to our online store. This seems especially crucial at this particular moment, as we, like every other red-blooded American retailer, are eager to get our grubby mitts on your economic stimulus check. I used mine to pay down my credit cards, but we’re hoping you’re less selfish.

As for what I can tell you about the goings-on at Ashmont Records, Inc., the truth is that I can only deduce that recording is about to commence again. They don’t tell me anything, but I am smarter than I look. First, Menck calls and asks if I can get Red Sox tickets in July. Joe undoubtedly put him up to this, because he knows that Menck has a way with the ladies. They are both under the mistaken impression that I have “juice” around here. They are also under the mistaken impression that if I did, in fact, have “juice” I would use it for their benefit. And, they are under the mistaken impression that I am a lady. Second, Bob just called to let me know that he would be by later today “just to say hi.” This is a ruse. I’m guessing that they ordered more recording equipment (charged to my credit card no doubt) and he is going to sneak it up onto the third floor of MY house, where I am no longer allowed. There’s a big sign on the door that says “No Girlz Allowed.” Third – and this is the most telling thing – my cable package has been suddenly and inexplicably upgraded to include MLB Extra Innings.

Joe is hard at work on his book. I know this, because he’s obviously laying the groundwork for his libel defense. Every day I get a new skype message that says, “There’s a character in the book who works for a big indie record label, but I just want you to know that she’s not you.” “That record company lady character? She has a thing for bands in Nova Scotia, but seriously, she’s not you.” “That A&R lady in the book I told you about is Irish Catholic and grew up in a hard-working white American neighborhood in Boston with New Kids on the Block, but I swear to God, she’s not you.”

Anyway, if you’re close to Boston and want to be one of the first to hear Joe read from this book in which a character based on me does not appear, he’ll be reading as part of a benefit we’re planning for Interim House on May 29. Also reading are our pals George Pelecanos, Michael Patrick MacDonald, Tom Perrotta and Warren Zanes. Email me for more info.

Joe’s not doing press right now, but our indomitable mascot, Charlie Ashmont is. He was interviewed yesterday by a reporter from the local NPR station, though he would only lick her microphone. He is going to be featured in a piece about doggie DNA, because he got some PRETTY surprising results. I’ll let you know when that will air. Speaking of the Dalmation/Corgi cross previously known as Charlie Ashmont the pitbull, and also speaking of exploitation, we have Charlie Ashmont tees back in stock and in new colors. We also have an exciting new Charlie Ashmont item – the reusable grocery bag. See, we’re a green company, and to prove that, we ordered these green bags, which were flown from the west coast to our merch people in Texas, who then printed on them with some kind of ink and then shipped them via jumbo jet to us in Dorchester. Now, what we’d like to do is package them up in some mailing materials, drive to the post office, and send them to you in all corners of the earth via air mail. See, we’re saving the earth one doggie bag at a time. The bags are available in the store, but if you order over $50 worth of merch, we’ll send you one for free.

I think that’s everything for now.

Dorchester, Mass

Joyce @ 2:00 pm