News / Blog

August 25, 2006

My first blog on the new site.

First of all, Chiefy, you did a great job on the new site. We know you have (had) a peronal life, so thanks for the hours. Thank Lady Chiefy as well.

Okay, this is my first official blog on the new site. I assume if you call it a blog there has to be some degree of regularity implied or otherwise. I’m actually going to try and write often. Early mornings are proving to be the perfect time. Without getting into too much detail, I have been a father for about three weeks now. I’m way into it, but the kid is a most-efficient need machine with (to borrow a phrase William Gibson told me a few years back) “all buttons pushed flushed to the console.”

Expectedly, a lot of people are telling me I ought to write kid’s songs. Well, I tried it the other night while pacing the hall with a gassy kid. Tell me what you think of this chorus: “Please don’t shit on me again. I’m begging you.” Has a nice G.G. Allen thing going on. Watch out Dan Zanes. I’m gunning for you.

A few years ago, when I was a grad student, my oldest sister asked me to “write a little story for (her) kids.” I did. It was about a young oyster who started getting headaches. When he asked his mother what was up, she told him it was a pearl beginning to grow. How wonderful, no? No. That was no pearl. And it turned out to be inoperable.

Another question I’ve been asked more than once lately: Isn’t having a baby going to make you start writing happier songs?

Well, let me put it this way: I have been in a great relationship with my wife since 1998. Never happier. Give “Chappaquiddick Skyline” or “Yours, Mine and Ours” a listen when you get a chance.

I just got a new MacBook, and I’m hoping I don’t have one of those faulty batteries. This thing sure is getting hot on my lap. Good thing I got this after well after the kid was conceived.

As of monday, I went “back to work” trying to finish this friggin’ screenplay. It must be done by the time we start rehearsing in October for the tour. It’s turning into one of those calculus limit/derivative problems where the a rabbit is 10 feet from a carrot, and with every hop he halves the distance between itself and the carrot. How many hops will it take to reach it? An infinite number. The poor bastard never gets there. he starves to death, having gnawed on his own leg for a snack along the way.

This reminds me, after the kid dozes off in the middle of the night, I’ve been catching this show called “Survivorman” on T.V. I must meet this Les Stroud. He gets dropped off in the middle of nowhere for a week, with nothing but video equipment and the clothes he’s wearing. Places like the desert, Costa Rican jungle, the Arctic. I think you get the picture. I want Les to tour with us. The other day I learned something very useful: If you’re in the wilderness (or even in your back yard), you should test any leaves out by rubbing them against your arms. Wait a while, and if no rash appears, it’s probably okay to wipe “other” parts of your body with that kind of leave. I shall keep that in mind. (Les, if you’re in Toronto, email me here at Ashmont, and I’d love to buy you a drink.)

Aother thing about the upcoming tour. Jose Ayerve, who has been our tour manager for some years now, will be playing bass. For those of you who do not know, Jose has a band called Spouse, and he’s a fantastic musician/engineer. Though he was a top-notch tour manager, he was certainly underemployed. And he can sing. Now we can work all of those Spanish harmonies back into all the songs.

Today I must push on with printing the pre-order CD covers. I’m hand rolling each linocut print. Reminds me of a few years back when I phoned my Nonni (God rest her soul) and asked her to talk me through hand rolling some dough to make pasta. Holy crap, I almost had a heart attack. After what seemed like hours of wrestling with the stuff I had about 10 noodles that were keepers. Still, I boiled them up and ate them with a thimble of sauce. Boy, life was so much simpler then. Back then when the chances of surviving a sore throat were about 50/50.

Joe @ 10:14 am