News / Blog

March 28, 2006

Joe to Gilmores, Peyton to Jews & Other Trades

Joe Pernice will make his episodic television debut in an upcoming Gilmore Girls. He will play one of several Stars Hollow troubadour-wannabes that descend on the town after the regular troubadour, Grant Lee Phillips, is discovered by Neil Young and whisked off on a tour. Joe will sing a yet-to-be-determined song. No word yet on who the other troubadours are, but knowing the excellent musical instincts of the Gilmore gang, it will undoubtedly be good. I do not yet know the air date, but will post as soon as I do. Joe heads out to Burbank next week to tape. I know I have a proclivity toward making things up, but this is true. I swear to God.

The rider Joe sent me to pass along to the wonderful people at the Gilmore Girls wasn’t QUITE as demanding as the Vice President’s list as reported by The Smoking Gun this week (Isn’t Perrier French?). Says the misanthropic humanist (stolen from Tim Haslett) “Also, I require a new BMW Z3 (six cylinder) to take me from my trailer to the set. And a CA licensed rolfer on call. A six pack of Mylanta and personal dvd player with the following dvds: “Abigail’s Party” and “Straw Dogs” and “Glengarry Glenn Ross.” I think these will really assist me in pulling off the character I envision. And tell Helen, “No go, no Joe.” If I were those people, I’d send his sorry white ass right back to Holbrook, MA. But that would be tough on his parents.

Work continues on the new album, and though I’ve not heard a note (see previous email detailing Joe’s need to keep me in the dark), I am told that it’s a cornucopia (don’t get to use that word often) of atonality and dissonance, with a lot of swear words in the lyrics. I call down there every day (to the studio in Enfield, Connecticut, not far from Stars Hollow) to implore Joe to give me SOMETHING to work with – a hit, a novelty, something with a beat you can dance to, whatever. If I can’t contribute to my 401K this year, it’s all his fault.

Ha! Perhaps you thought I would have some actual news by now. But I don’t. As my mother would say, “It’ll be ready when it’s ready.” We’ve been talking about doing some kind of a record release party though, because we’ve never done one, but then we were thinking about how to address the world-wideness of the Pernice Brothers audience. Despite what some of you might argue, we like to be inclusionary. And we certainly don’t seek to cause an international incident. So then we started to think about having some event here at Ashmont HQ that would be broadcast on the world wide web (or the “intercom” as Mom called it). From there, we started talking about a concert and spaghetti dinner, where we’d circulate Mrs. Pernice’s (that’s Mary, not L. Stein) “gravy” recipe, and everyone could make that, and then we’d all sit down to eat at the same time. That one guy in New Zealand who keeps writing to tell me there is a fan in New Zealand would have to eat spaghetti at a weird time, but other than that, I think the idea has merit. The only thing you would be missing would be Charlie Ashmont at your feet begging for table scraps. But if you don’t have your own hungry dog, I am sure you could borrow one.

We’re very intrigued by all of the shuffling that’s gone on here in recent months. Damon has gone to the Evil Empire (which means that I can now commit in print to my real feelings about him – he’s a few french/freedom fries short of a happy meal.), Arroyo goes to the Reds (hope he took his Pearl Jam records), Kevin Millar, Doug Mirabelli, Edgar Renteria (we hardly knew ye) are all gone. Vinatieri and McGinest are gone. Not that anyone really cares about the Bruins, but Samsonov and Thornton went bye-bye. And Archbishop O’Malley was traded to the Cardinals. So, figuring that these people know more than we do about how to run a business, we’re going to trade 2005 MVP and fan favorite Peyton Pinkerton to the Silver Jews on an interim basis. We’re confident that he’ll be back by next season.

(don’t read any further if you usually get mad about this stuff and haven’t yet figured out how to unsub). This just in: Andy Card, White House Chief of Staff has resigned. This is good news for Joe Pernice, as he claws his way up the ladder toward being the most powerful celebrity from Holbrook, Massachusetts.

As you know, we think we know the best way to run things. We take our hubris VERY seriously. If you live in the Boston area and would like to be invited to a little meet-the-candidate event Team Ashmont is organizing for a candidate that I won’t name, but who would, if elected become the first black man in the corner office at the State House (at least sitting behind the desk), email me off-list ( and I will be happy to add you to the invite list.

I am happy to take your hard earned money (or your parents’) at the store

Joyce @ 7:09 pm